Ah, the future.

I'm posting again! That's right, you are once again free to view the true, yet quite possibly uninteresting, thoughts of Kayla Kutz.

The theme of my late summer thinking has been growing up. Jenny told me soon after TOS that Katie and Jeremy were engaged. I used to live by Katie... we would play on her gigantic swing set and she would tell me the really smart things she was learning in school (much more interesting than my simple math and english grammar, of course). And now, she's engaged. That makes me feel very old, even if I am only going to be a senior in high school.

On top of that, most of the people I've been hanging out with and talking to this summer are older than I am... be it a couple years, or several. They've shared with me insights and knowledge that would have taken me far longer to come to on my own. When I was working at tos, I got to talking to one of the other vendors. He said I was like "an old jewish woman in a seventeen-year-old's body," commenting on my "grandmother wisdom." The thing is, that wisdom isn't mine at all. It came from people who earned it by living. Although I feel a little like I'm cheating by being given these bits of insight, it does make me feel older. More able to wait, to listen, to observe, to be content where I am and not afraid to move on should the opportunity come.

I'm excited about getting older, about "growing up" and seeing what waits for me. I'm excited about meeting new people and getting closer to people I already know. I'm excited to learn, to understand, to adapt, and to hold firmly to that which is my foundation. I'm excited to be reproached in the future when I lose sight of the Gospel in its purity, because every time I am corrected the knowledge of that Gospel is assured in me.

In light of all this excitement, however, there is a tinge of sadness. I am leaving a point in my life behind. Soon there will be more responsibilities to take care of. Soon things beyond decent schoolwork will be expected of me. Soon the time in my life when it's easy to go back will be over, and the choices I make will be more permanent. Soon opportunities and chances will be gone, lost forever in the tide of might-have-beens.

My life is going determinedly onward, and most of the time I cant tell if it's being pushed or pulled. There are things past and present I want to leave behind that cause me to strain forward, and things I hold on to for fear that time will draw me helplessly away from them. It's scary, growing older. Something I'm able to smile about, but something scary and dangerous as well. I don't want the wonderful people of my present to become mere memories in my future, though I'm sure that is the fate of some of them. I don't want to forget what I hold dear now.

While the future holds many uncertainties, many fears, and no doubt many trials, I have resolved not to fear it. I will learn to be content with whatever comes my way. I know that the Holy Spirit will keep me in the one true faith, and as long as I have that I'll be good to go : ). I have been crucified with Christ, and born again of water and the Word. All my fear and worry, my doubt and unbelief, pain now and pain to come, the troubles that await me, have been taken to the cross. Christ has secured my future as a redeemed heir to eternal life... and compared to that, this life is hardly a breath. I will not fear the unknown, because Christ has been made known to me - and He will never change.


Why should cross and trial grieve me?
Christ is near, with His cheer;
Never will He leave me.
Who can rob me of the heaven
That God's Son for me has won
When His life was given?

When life's troubles rise to meet me,
Though their weight may be great,
They will not defeat me.
God, my loving Savior, sends them;
He who knows all my woes
Knows how best to end them.

God gives me my days of gladness,
And I will trust Him still
When he sends me sadness.
God is good; His love attends me
Day by day, come what may,
Guides me and defends me.

From God's joy can nothing sever,
For I am His dear lamb,
He, my Shepherd ever.
I am His because He gave me
His own blood for my good,
By His death to save me.

Now in Christ, death cannot slay me,
Though it might, day and night
Trouble and dismay me.
Christ has made my death a portal
From the strife of this life
To His joy immortal!

LSB 756