Hmm...

I dont know why that last post is dated October 5th... I wrote it today... hmmm....

Coasting time

Just wanting to say here's to the amazing college kids I know and love. Wish I could see you all more often. "Don't it always seem to go, that you dont know what you've got til it's gone.." yep, thats for sure. I know you're the only one who'll read this Jon, but ah well : ). It shouldnt go without being said. Miss you all dearly

Hmm.. update on my life... it's been pretty boring lately. Swim is over now - that season was definatly a blast. Drama has ended too... and I'm really glad I did it. I'll have to remember to thank my mom for forcing me to do musical... anywho, because of it now I talk to a bunch of people I probably wouldnt be otherwise. But no more extracurriculars now save for band... just school day in and day out... coasting into the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons

Ah, school. The place where I spend the majority of my life! While homework may suck like no other, school functions or even just the classroom are a great place to talk to people. Not deep conversations by any means, but just a shared joke or comment. There are a bunch of people I wouldnt be nearly as good friends with if we didnt see each other day after day, stuck in the same crappy class. There's something to be said for sharing troubles, you know... even trivial ones.

I get to talk to mr. doerr on a regular basis now - there's an upside to no sports! I dont know who I would talk to about church/theology stuff if Mr. Doerr wasnt there... he's busy a lot of course, but it's nice to know there's someone right up the stairs who will listen to whatever I'm wanting to talk about. He's a good guy, that mr. doerr.

Well... that's about all I can think of for now. I'll update if something interesting happens or if for some reason there's something to write about. Grace & peace to you and all my friends outside the high school. Hope to see you sometime

Such is life...

Alright.. this is rough and there's a lot missing, but I thought I'd post it anyway. I considered only putting the first few paragraphs up, but somehow ended up not. I'll probably do an "Update on the life of Kayla" later on. This is just what was on my mind.

Time. It never stops, does it? Even when we get away - go on vacation, find a good book to lose ourselves in - time is there, ticking away the minutes, hours, days until things will once again be expected of us, when we'll have responsibilities and concerns and worries.

Life and time... they dont wait for anyone, do they? We are all swept away in the current, powerless to stop the flow. Even as time sweeps us along without ceasing, life threatens to drown us, pull us under into hoplessness and despair.

But wait! Look - a hand reaches down into the crashing swell of our world. Places a redeeming life jacket on we who can do nothing to keep ourselves afloat. We are wrapped in Christ - that personal flotation device that attatches Himself to us by his own body and blood and brings us to the surface in baptism, giving us the breath of the Holy Spirit. Alleluiah! Our hoplessness, weakness, sinfulness has been overcome! Not of ourselves, but because the Father reached down to us and sent a Savior.

Even so - who wants to be dependant? Just like kids who are so reluctant to wear their life vests, we are offended by it. Who says we need to be saved? I'm a strong swimmer... I can stay above the water all by myself thank you very much!

But no... that precious Savior doesnt abandon us to the tide, despite our indignant attitude. He is steadfast in His love, always turning our faces to the surface. Showing us branches to anchor ourselves on and rocks to cling to when the going gets rough. He never leaves us, but sacrifices Himself for us! Because of this, we may one day hear the Lord say to the turbid waters of life- "Peace, be still"

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Point of Interest

At church sunday morning, I was sitting in back listening sort of half-hartedly to announcements. Then one of the pastors said something that caught my attention... apparantly they are going to be doing a Bible study on "the Christian faith from the Lutheran perspective." As he was telling us about it he said "We dont really get to go into this during the service, so it's a great chance to learn... blah blah blah... so we encourage you to be a part of that." This is when the flashing lights went off in my head.. WHAT?!.. are you saying we arent preaching our faith during church?! I was shocked. Not only at the concept, but at the fact that he said it right out loud and didnt seem to think it something to be acted upon! sure, they're doing a Bible study, but how the heck are they supposed to get the whole congregation in there to learn something as important as that? They cant. Hmm.. you know what would be better than a full-congregation bible study? A CHURCH SERVICE! i just dont get it...

So what is there to do? Just sitting here and not doing anything doesnt seem right. But I cant go to the pastor and tell him I have an issue with something, either. Quite the knot. What I can do, bare minimum, is pray. Pray for wisdom and insight to the pastors, understanding for the congregation, and faith for all. May God answer these prayers according to His will.

I know my church isnt exactly held in high esteem by the other LCMS churches in the area... we arent traditional, we dont use the hymnals or therefore the liturgy, we sing contemporary music with a few common hymns here and there. I completely understand where people have issues with that. Dont always agree, but understand. Becoming more and more evident, however, is an underlying problem... something having to do with the very nature of what we preach. I have just never heard it put so plainly before, and by one of the pastors.

Something else they said... they were trying to figure out the "business of the church" - the money and so forth - and stated that their main focus was going to be bringing people to Christ. Dont get me wrong, that's great. After all, we've been commissioned to "Go and make diciples." But what about after they've been brought to Christ? What about caring for them, educating them in the faith, "teaching them ALL that I have commanded you" ? One would argue that's what church is for. But didnt he just say that we dont really get to teach "the Christian faith through the Lutheran perspective" in church?

So this is what's been floating around in my head lately. May God continue to be with His church on earth always, to the very end of the age. Grace, mercy, and peace.

- Kayla

Blessings...

Nothing interesting to write about really, just felt like writing.

It's easy to be happy when things are going well. The job's good... a little boring maybe, but i get to do the all the jobs no one wants to do. Filing, organizing, paperwork... And you should see their faces when i say i've finished! They have relief and gratitude written all over them - the look that you give when you know you've just been saved time and energy on a dumb job you have left undone for 2 years. (no joke - some of this stuff is from ages ago). It's a great look to have aimed at you.

I've even been able to actually see a bunch of my friends! Last summer i saw a couple, but didnt really get to hang out with anyone. Lately, thanks to bible study and us actually planning things to do ( i.e. six flags, bike riding), the summer has been better than normal. Even without this, aim helps too : ). To make things better even, I have NYG when i'll get to spend time with a bunch of people, not to mention random graduation parties. Apart from keeping up with old friends, Im making new ones through work and at church. It's just been a great summer so far.

And so, I'm thankful! Immeasurably thankful to and for my friends, my co-workers, the fun i've had, the opportunities i've been given, the overall way the summer has gone. All thanks to the Lord Almighty who has blessed me with all this and more. It's just plain amazing. period.

So many questions

It seems that lately I have so many questions, about all sorts of things. Questioning myself, questioning others, questioning why things are the way they are. Ultimately, questioning God. Such a foolish thing to do, seeking to understand when some things just arent meant to be understood. But then... which things should I seek to understand? And the questions trail on! Questions that spring not only from seeking to understand, but from doubt. Really though, who am I to doubt? I truly do think too much. By the way... what does that mean: "I think not, therefore I am not"?

Somewhere in Proverbs it says "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Question #93055948377574: are wisdom and understanding the same thing? It doesnt seem that way, but i dont know how. How much easier it would be if i didnt wonder, just took things as they came and that was that. Unfortunately, that's not how I work really.

And so, as unanswerable questions pile and the answerable ones confuse themselves, I find there is only one thing that gives me a true contentedness: knowing that Christ has saved me despite my infinite sinfulness, and that God reigns over all, now and forever.

Found the words to the hymn the band played at graduation. They seemed to fit well here, so I'll put them down (even if only for me :] )


Christ be my leader by night as by day;
Safe through the darkness, for he is the way.
Gladly I follow, my future his care;
Darkness is daylight when Jesus is there.

Christ be my teacher in age as in youth,
Drifting or doubting for he is the truth.
Grant me to trust him; though shifting as sand,
Doubt cannot daunt me; in Jesus I stand.

Christ be my savior in calm as in strife;
Death cannot hold me, for he is the life.
Nor darkenss nor doubting nor sin and its stain
Can touch my salvation: with Jesus I reign.

LW#365

Hmm.. haven't written anything in a while...

But what is there to write about? Yes, it's summer vacation, but so what, really? Sure, no school. Yahoo! Not to mention the fact that it's nice outside (so long as it isnt sweltering and humid). Actually, my favorite time of the summer will end in a couple of weeks.

After the beginning of June my mom and brother both come home from school. Don't get me wrong, it can be nice having them home, but not as nice as a quiet house. Ah, how I love these first weeks when I'm the only one home! It means no one nagging on me to "be productive," means I can randomly go for a walk/run or sit and read in the yard without getting odd looks from the family, means I can sing whatever I want however I want : P. It's just great to have these freedoms I dont have while the rest of them are home.

I've kinda gotten back into playing piano. I quit in 5th grade because of a crappy teacher, but now I'm coming to appreciate it more. : ) Who knew what simple chords could do for the weary mind? That's another thing... when im alone I get to play whichever hymns I want however many times. I had been playing Cheif of Sinners Though I Be for a while, because I liked how it sounded and it was fairly easy. My mother got tired of hearing it and told me to stop, because it was a "sad song." I told her I liked it and how was it sad... it was all gospel! Didnt really give me a straight answer... but i stopped anyway.

Ah well.. this post was a little pointless, but better than nothing. Perhaps later I'll think of something more iteresting...

Hmmm...

I told you I would put any questions or opinions I had while you were gone here, so here goes:

This is what you said from September 07, 2005-
"So why all these songs with I and me. Even if its somethign like "Lord, I praise YOU" Why does the Lord even notice "praise" from a sinful person. I put praise in parenthesis because can we even praise God on our own?"

No! of course not. We cannot by our own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ OR come to Him. How can we praise someone we cant even believe in? So now that that's completely clear, to the other part. God notices our praise because of Christ. The curtain was torn in the temple when Jesus died because the barrier sin put between ourselves and God had been conquered. Thanks to Jesus, we are both saint and sinner. Here's where i get unsure: do the praises of His saints (notice how it's HIS doing) please him? We know we can do nothing to make God love us any more or less. At least that's what I was taught. But does that mean that even through Christ on the cross we cant do anything to please him?

About the I's and me's in CCM. I completely agree. We do put too much emphasis on us, when it should be at worship of all times that all emphasis is on God. But look at the Psalms:

9:1 I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart

16:8 I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.

88:9 I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you.

89:1 I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.

147:1 Praise the Lord. How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

I will praise, I have set, I sought, I call, I will sing. Could be wrong, but im pretty sure the Psalmist wasnt saying here that the praising was his doing seeing as later in verse 51:15 he says "Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise." He uses I a lot actually, all (as far as i can tell) without being a heretic. Like i said before, i think you're right about most of the contemporary songs. Im just saying, just because a song says I or me doesnt mean it's disrespecting all that God's done for us.

I hope i havent misinterpreted anything that you were saying. Let me know if I was! Hehe by the way, have you ever heard "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns? I like it, and seems pretty solid to me in what it's saying. Let me know if im missing something?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
would care to know my name,
would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who i am,
but because of what you've done.
Not because of what i've done,
but because of who you are!

I am
a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean,
a vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You've told me who I am:
I am yours.

Who am I,
that the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love
and watch me rise again?
Who am I,
that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me?

Then it repeats the two middle things. Aaanyway, that's just what was on my mind.

Friends

Wrote this during one of the bus rides on tour...

How many times have you heard someone say: "they're/we're just friends." I know I've heard it a lot, and even said it myself. But it occurs to me... to truly be a friend is hardly a "just." When used loosely, a friend is someone you enjoy spending time with. When used it its strongest form, a friend is someone whom you would give your life for, and vice versa. Either way, I find friends (true friends) to be an essential element in getting me sanely through the day-to-day.
Everyone needs someone to talk to. Otherwise, we get caught inside our own thoughts and end up lost and confused. Some people can talk to God and that is sufficient for them. I, unfortunately, am not strong enough for this to work all the time. But God's strength is made perfect in my weakness! He's blessed me with many people I enjoy spending time with, and a few with whom I feel I can share anything.
A friend can be closer to you than a family member- if you allow them to be. To open up to someone, to wear your heart on your sleeve, is a hard thing to do- for me at least. To let someone know what an who you care about is to admit a weakness or a soft spot- admit that you can be hurt. This is why trust is a major foundation on which strong friendships are built: you need to trust that whoever it is wont use what you tell them against you. I pity those who dont know what its like to have someone they trust this much. Again, Im lucky- I've been given a few :-).

"I have found that my best friends arent those I went looking for - they're those who found me."

Random stuff

I was going to try and think of something interesting and deep to post, but that was before I got sick. Now my mind just needs a break with the rest of my body.
Musical is over! Im so glad i decided to do it this year, it was amazing. Im just disappointed that i didnt get involved last year. My brother can sing, and I'm trying to convince him to do it. It's not going so well, but we'll see.
Singing is just indescribable. Its given a prominent place even in the Bible! There's a whole book called song of solomon, along with the psalms. David sang to King Saul to put him out of his bad mood. I know that when Im feeling confused, angry, upset, and just plain tired of the stress of life it's music that calms me down. There's music to express every feeling imaginable, along with many feelings which cant be put into words.
I love to hear people sing. There's something solid and sure about a good song that just grabs me be it instrumental, a hymn, something off a soundtrack, or one of my favorites off of iTunes. I dont know what it is about Disney songs- they are just plain amazing! Not only are they fun to sing, but they seem to have deeper messages too.
A couple weeks ago my respect and like of mr. wiegert grew even more. We heard him playing the piano in the band room, and followed the sound. Where others might have stopped, he continued and shared with us how he was feeling tense and frustrated, and how the piano helped him to relax. It had been a long day for me too, and listening to him play struck some chord in me (no pun intended) that just smoothed out the knots in my mood. Pure music took the place of stress, worries, and confusion in my mind. His willingness to admit weakness and share the things that he cares about makes him one of my favorite people, one of the people I admire most. He's a great teacher, that mr.wiegert... in the classroom and out of it.
Thank the Lord for the gift He has given us in music!

Peace

Im in a good mood at the moment. Saturday morning, sun is out, in my comfy clothes... Everything is just ok for once. Peace. Not true peace of course, but an overall condition where just about anything can be accepted as it is, and what cant be accepted doesnt need to be worried about. Friends who care, a good book, and the ability to sit back for a second and just be.

But one cant stay like this forever. No, in many ways that would be... foolish? Maybe thats not the right word. A good quote by Will Rogers: "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." This world could use more peaceful moments. But in order to bring them about, someone's gotta go out and spread it! I dont have years and years of guilt and grudges polluting my peace, because I know it's been forgiven. Dont get me wrong, there are plenty of times when Im restless, worried, confused, mad, exasperated... happens constantly, every day of every week of every year, and will continue to for the rest of my life. And yet, I can let it go once it's run its course. It seems to me that peace is a state of mind, a state of living, more than a mere feeling.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which, transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7

Politics

Ahh politics. Whenever my friends start talking politics, i usually back away from the conversation and just listen. I might add a comment here and there, but i generally stay out of it. Why? most of the time i say it's because politics bore me. This is part of the truth, but not all of it. Politics seem to cause disagreement, trouble, and harsh feelings wherever they go. In my mind, no one - neither liberal nor conservative - seems to be completely right or completely wrong. Then again, I dont really know the full story on either. So my friends ask: are you a democrat or republican? Once again, im not sure because i dont know everything. So what do you do when you need information? you ask of course! But who to ask? Whomever i would choose would give a biased answer in favor of who they think is right. So do i answer the question based on a guess of who's for what? No. definately not. I very much do not like to guess and be proved wrong- it's one of my weaknesses. So i avoid the whole thing. Cowardly? Yes, probably. Understandable? I hope so. And so here I am, caught in a web of beliefs. I know my beliefs, and I want to fight for them, but what i dont know is which side to fight for. Until i think i have the whole story, i will not pick sides. Jesus Christ alone is the one whose beliefs and ideals i will believe in without exception- not those of men who have their own intrests along for the ride, and are unsure even of themselves.